So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
