I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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