he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
