I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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