My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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