Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
