On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
