LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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