the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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