the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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