I must be too annoying 4 u.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
