i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
