Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
