TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
