All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
