Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
