True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
