I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
