i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
