White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
