last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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