If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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