My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We are all done wearing pants today
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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