Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
