the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
