Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
