Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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