I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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