he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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