I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
