I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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