Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
