You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
