Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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