So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
