Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
