so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
