She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drake has all the answers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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