after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
