RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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