I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
