I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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