Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Two words: blizzard sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
