I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
