Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
