I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
