Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
