I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
