I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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