let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
